I hope that you’re all doing really well. I wanted to come share my thoughts on some things again. Right now, it’s 2:31am and I pulled out my iPad to write this so it’s clearly pretty important to me. Just like my last post, it won’t be well-written, but these are my raw thoughts.
What is it with man slander in the Christian community? Why is it so common and accepted? Granted, I believe that men should be Godly and pursue God, but what kind of men are some Christian people expecting women to marry? Do you ever notice that it’s always those that are already married leading the “don’t marry him if…” brigade too. But I digress…
I have thought about the conversations that I’ve had with friends about men.
He’s not spiritual enough.
He doesn’t pray that well.
He cares too much about other things.
I think I’m spiritually stronger than him.
What would people think about me if I was with him?
Am I the only one whose heard or said these things? These things sound ridiculous and they are.
All Christian women want to marry a guy who loves Jesus, can pray well, studies the Word, will provide, be a great father, respect her, honor her, work hard, etc, but think of the men you know who fit this description and consider their age.
I’m really guilty of looking at men who are well older than me and thinking, “wow, where are the men like that who are my age?” There may be some but they’re very few. Everyone needs time to develop spirutually, especially young adult men. Being a young adult man who strives to honor God right now? I would not want to trade places with them. I know it’s tough!
Also ladies, when we look at the men, are we considering our own spiritual state? Not even just spiritual state, but overall state. We think of ourselves as being more together and more righteous than we are, when in reality, we’re probably not that together and our righteousness is that of filthy, disgusting rags. We have high, lofty standards for a guy because we forget our own hang-ups. I create extremely high standards but I forget that I suck at budgeting money, hate to exercise, don’t always pray for everyone who asks or forgive people who wrong me. I forget that I still have a temper, buck up against God at times and even judge others. I forget these things when I’m telling God everything that a man that comes my way should be. How dare I be so demanding when I’m a sinner too? Here’s a real question.
Ladies, have we forgotten that we’re imperfect sinners?
If you have, here is your reminder. 😉
None of us are in a position to tell God what we deserve. NONE of us. We are deserving of death, but Christ gives us good things out of the abundance of His love. We can make requests to Him, but we should never tell Him what we think we deserve.
I’ve had people point out all the things that a Christian guy isn’t, but what about the things that he is?
Is he respectful?
Does he love and honor his parents?
Does he love The Lord?
Is he compassionate?
Does he serve?
Is he making a conscious effort to know Him?
Does he study and/or work hard?
Don’t these things count for something? Even if he isn’t tweeting scripture everyday and leading the Bible study, are these things not evidence that He loves The Lord, is pursuing Biblical manhood and is striving spiritually? Plus, who knows where he can be in a year, five or twenty-five? The Tim Kellers, John Pipers, Francis Chans, Carlton Byrds, Billy Grahams and Paul Washers of the world were not the men that they are today when they were my age.
Remember too, marriage is about holiness and happiness is a by-product. So essentially, our goal should be to link ourselves to another sinner who with their whole heart is dedicated to becoming more like Christ themselves and helping you to do the same.
Please don’t let people tell you everything that they guy you date should and should not be. What works for one couple may not work for another and God doesn’t write all of our love stories the same way. Also, don’t covet the guy that another woman is dating or married to. What God has for her is for her; what He has for you is for you.
At the core, this blog post is about grace. Grace that God gives and the grace that we should extend toward others. Please don’t think that I’m saying date and marry an unbeliever, or even a Christian who has no fruit…but please understand that we’ve got to have grace for those around us as it pertains to their Christian experience too. God moves in a mysterious way and you never know how He may be working in the life of that guy in your Bible study that you think is a joke. Because when it comes down to it, I really just want to spend my life with someone who is imperfect but who loves Jesus like crazy and can help me love Him more too.
And if you don’t know, now you know…